all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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