Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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