and you said cock pushups were impossible
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
