he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
