i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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