I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
