Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
