I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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