I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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