i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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