just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
