his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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