a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
