As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
