what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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