Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
