I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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