I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Dignity is for republicans.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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