Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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