My hand turned me down
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
