oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
