i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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