Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
