Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
