I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
