You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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