she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
