I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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