Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
