can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
