we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
