thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
