He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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