the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
