my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
