guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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