so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
