"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
