Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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