Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
