i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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