I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
