accomplished twins. life is a go
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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