I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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