he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
