I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Well I just put wine in my tea
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
