her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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