she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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