Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
