Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
