i think my tv is drunk
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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