I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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