When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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