im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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