Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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