does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
