hell yes lets make some ravioli
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
