I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
