Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
