ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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