so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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