I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i need an iv and a liver transplant
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
