Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
