I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
